Last Night, We Lost Donald Trump

December 15, 2016 :: Reading time: 2 minutes, 1 second

Donald Trump, or as we liked to call him "the Boneless", is no more. Rest in peace, courageous leader.

Trump mwah

When things got tough, he could make us all mad with bloodlust, uniting us behind our insanity: a true Orator of Death. One wave of his (tiny but effective) Red Fist and our spirits went up - we felt stronger than ever and could easily survive anything the world threw at us.

Yes, he was secretive in his daily affairs and couldn't join us in our adventures often, but that's what great leaders do - they lead, not through actions, but through words. In those rare occasions when he did join us, his endless babble made us even madder with determination.

A natural match-maker, Mr. Trump was personally responsible for a number of happy couples in our community, and his deep understanding of the world helped the young couples make sense of the world.

Experienced, strong, and a born tinker, he always made sure our town was strong in jobs and domestic production by endeavoring to rid us of immigrants and imports.

But with great power comes great responsibility. The ego must remain strong, and the leader's word must not be questioned. After one of Mr. Trump's highest lieutenants, and a town favorite, opted to teach everyone how to properly use an axe, Mr. Trump - being a staunch supporter of firearms rather than such blunt instruments - couldn't bear witness to his people falling under this usurper's influence. With the swift swing of his sword, with which he had recently become proficient, Trump decapitated the axeman who, up until that point, had been incredibly lucky. Just goes to show that everyone's luck runs out eventually.

The people wouldn't stand for this, however. Skulletor, known by the people as Dingle Fool of the Antelope - a cute nickname they had given their favorite lumberjack - had spread his influence enough to fully convert some of the townsfolk. In a fit of rage, Trump's actions were deemed dishonorable, and he was killed by the mob. It was only later that they realized their grave mistake, but by then it was too late.

Rest in peace, fearless leader. The world will miss you. You really did make our settlement great again.

Character sheets

Trump the Boneless was a character in our Kingdom Death campaign, and the emphasized phrases and words above are abilities, disorders, and attributes from the game.

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